The 3 Money Wounds and How They Shape Your Financial Life
- Luzia Bowden | Wellness Counsellor
- 36 minutes ago
- 4 min read
"Any trauma, even if it has nothing to do with money, impacts our relationship with money." - Chantel Chapman
Money can feel like a constant source of stress, shame, or confusion - and often, it’s not about math or budgeting. Many people carry deep emotional wounds that influence how they earn, spend, save, and even think about money. These patterns are often formed in childhood, shaped by family messages, societal expectations, and early experiences of scarcity or abundance.
Understanding these patterns is the first step toward healing your relationship with money, creating stability and making choices that align with your values rather than your fears. Here are the three most common money wounds I see in my clients:
1. The Shame Wound
“I should be better with money than this.”
Shame around money is incredibly common. Many people feel embarrassed about how much they earn, spend, or save, and this shame often leads to hiding, avoidance, or self-criticism.
Signs you might have the Shame Wound
• Avoiding checking your accounts or bills
• Feeling like your financial struggles mean you’re irresponsible
• Hiding mistakes from friends, family, or partners
• Constant self-criticism after a purchase or financial decision
Why it happens: Shame often develops when money becomes a measure of worth - for example, messages like “Money doesn’t grow on trees” or “People like us can’t afford that” in childhood. Over time, these internalized messages make financial management feel like a moral test.
Healing tip: Start approaching your finances with curiosity instead of judgment. Journaling about your habits, spending triggers and money thoughts helps uncover where shame has shaped your patterns. The goal is to observe without blaming yourself, which is the first step toward meaningful change.
Journaling prompts for the Shame Wound
What thoughts come up when you look at your bank account or bills?
When did you first feel “bad with money”? Can you recall a memory that shaped this belief?
How do you judge yourself financially, and how could you reframe those judgments with compassion?
2. The Safety Wound
“No matter what I do, I never feel financially secure.”
The Safety Wound is less about numbers and more about your nervous system’s response to money. Even when your finances are objectively stable, your body may feel anxious or in a “fight-or-flight” state whenever money is involved.
Signs you might have the Safety Wound
• Constant anxiety about money running out
• Compulsive spending, giving, or quickly getting rid of money
• Feeling tense, jittery, or worried when paying bills or receiving income
• Difficulty relaxing or celebrating financial wins
Why it happens: Early experiences of scarcity, unpredictability or financial stress can program your nervous system to always be “on guard” around money. Your brain may interpret financial risk as a survival threat, even when the danger is no longer real.
Healing tip: Rebuilding a sense of financial safety is key. Small, consistent habits - like tracking your expenses, setting up an emergency buffer or automating savings - can train your nervous system to feel more secure. Over time, you’ll make financial choices from calm and clarity instead of fear and urgency.
Journaling prompts for the Safety Wound
How does your body feel when you think about money or bills?
Can you identify moments when money anxiety shows up even though things are “fine”?
What small financial steps could help you feel safer and more in control?
3. The Connection Wound (Financial Fawning)
“If I don’t give or spend on others, people might not like me.”
Some people learn early that love, approval, or belonging are tied to generosity. This creates a pattern called financial fawning, where money is used to maintain connection, avoid conflict or gain acceptance.
Signs you might have the Connection Wound:
• Overspending on friends, famil, or partners
• Giving beyond your means to maintain relationships
• Feeling guilty when you keep money for yourself
• Using money to “fix” relationships or earn approval
Why it happens:This wound often emerges in childhood when acceptance was conditional. For example, a parent might have said, “If you share your allowance, people will like you.” Over time, generosity becomes entangled with self-worth.
Healing tip: Learn to set healthy financial boundaries. Ask yourself: Does this spending align with my values, or am I acting from fear or obligation? By practicing mindful giving and intentional spending, you can still be generous without compromising your security or self-respect.
Journaling prompts for the Connection Wound:
When have you spent money to gain approval or avoid conflict?
How does giving beyond your means affect your sense of self or security?
What would healthy financial boundaries look like in your life?
Why These Wounds Matter
These money wounds aren’t personal flaws, they are adaptive survival strategies developed in response to past experiences. The good news? They can change. Awareness, reflection and compassionate strategies allow you to retrain your nervous system, rewrite old beliefs, and make financial choices from safety, clarity, and self-trust.
At Simply Abundance, we explore these wounds with trauma-informed strategies, practical tools, and reflective exercises that help you feel safe, clear, and empowered around money. If you would like personalized guidance, I invite you to book a session. Together, we’ll uncover your money patterns, rebuild safety and trust and create a financial life that feels aligned with who you truly are.
Today's Video: The Trauma of Money | Chantel Chapman | SheMoney Summit 2024 [18:34]
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