The Life-Changing Magic of Loving Yourself - 6 Ways to Get Started

Luzia Bowden
Oct 10, 2025
5 min read

Sometimes it feels like no matter how much we do, it’s never quite enough. We’re surrounded by messages that imply our worth depends on how much we accomplish, how we look, or how well we fit in. We chase goals, compare ourselves to others, and often forget to ask one simple question: How am I treating myself through it all? This is where self-love comes in.

Real self-love isn’t just about face masks or motivational quotes. It’s not something you perform or prove. It’s a quiet, ongoing relationship with yourself. One that is built on understanding, honesty, patience, and care. It's the way you speak to yourself when no one is around. It's how you respond when you make a mistake. It's how you protect your energy and honor your needs.

Self-love is important because it’s the foundation of everything else

When you care for yourself with kindness and respect, you build the inner stability needed to face life’s challenges. You stop outsourcing your worth to other people’s opinions. You start making choices that support your well-being instead of constantly trying to earn approval. You begin to live from a place of truth, rather than performance. If you’ve ever felt not good enough, or struggled with self-doubt, you’re not alone. But the good news is this: self-love is not a one-time fix, it’s a practice. And like any practice, it can be learned and nurtured over time.

Here are six ways to begin coming home to yourself with love

Start with self-awareness, not perfection

You cannot love someone you don’t really know, and that includes yourself. Self-awareness means gently paying attention to your thoughts, habits, and emotional responses. Notice when you are being hard on yourself. Notice when you shrink in the presence of others or try to be who you think people want you to be. This is not about fixing everything. It is about becoming familiar with your inner world without judgment. The more you understand your patterns, the more choice you have in how you respond. Awareness is the beginning of healing.

Try this: Keep a self-awareness journal for one week.

Write down moments when you felt self-critical and moments when you felt calm or proud. What were the circumstances? What thoughts came up? What patterns do you see?

Speak to yourself like someone you love

Many of us have learned to be critical of ourselves, believing it will motivate us to improve. But shame is not a good teacher. It keeps us stuck and small. If you wouldn’t speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself, it may be time to change the conversation in your mind. Loving self-talk isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about responding to your own struggles with kindness instead of cruelty. When you learn to be your own ally, you become more resilient, not less.

Try this: Choose a simple phrase that feels encouraging and real.

It might be, "I am allowed to be a work in progress," or "I am trying, and that is enough." Repeat it to yourself when your inner critic shows up.

Set boundaries that honour your well-being

Self-love means recognizing your limits and protecting your peace. Boundaries are not walls. They are clear agreements that help you stay connected to yourself while also relating to others in a healthy way.

Many people feel guilty for setting boundaries, especially if they are used to putting others first. But the truth is, boundaries are an act of respect — for yourself and for those around you. They allow you to show up in your life with more presence and less resentment.

Try this: Identify one area in your life where you feel drained or overextended.

What small boundary could help? It might mean saying no to an extra commitment, or taking a break from someone who constantly criticizes you. Start where you are.

Forgive yourself

We all make mistakes. We all have moments we wish we could do over. But holding onto guilt or shame does not make you a better person. It keeps you stuck in the past and disconnected from your growth.

Forgiveness is not about saying what happened was okay. It’s about releasing the burden of self-punishment. It’s about choosing to meet yourself with compassion, even when you fall short.

You are allowed to grow. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to let go of old versions of yourself.

Try this: Write a letter to your younger self

The younger self who didn’t know what you know now. Speak to them with tenderness. Let them know they did the best they could, and that you forgive them for what they didn’t yet understand.

Practice presence over performance

You are not your productivity. You are not your achievements. You are not your relationship status, your bank account, or the number of things you check off a to-do list. Self-love asks you to slow down and simply be. To allow moments of joy and rest without needing to earn them. To remember that your worth is not something you have to prove. It already exists, regardless of how much you accomplish.

Try this: Take fifteen minutes today to do something simply because it feels good.

No goals, no outcomes. Just presence. You could sit outside, listen to music, draw, dance, or simply breathe. Let that time remind you that being is enough.

Surround Yourself with Supportive Energy

We learn how to treat ourselves by observing how we are treated by others. If you are constantly surrounded by people who are critical, dismissive, or emotionally unavailable, it becomes harder to practice self-love. You do not have to do this work alone. Seek out people who are kind, real, and encouraging. Create space for relationships that uplift you and gently release the ones that drain you.

This also includes the content you consume — the voices you follow, the media you watch, the stories you absorb. Every input matters.

Try this: Reflect on who and what you’re giving your time and energy to.

Who makes you feel safe, supported, and seen? Who helps you feel more like yourself? Make more room for that. It makes a difference.

Self-Love is a practice, not a destination

Some days, you’ll feel connected and confident. Other days, you’ll feel discouraged or distant from yourself. This is part of being human. Self-love doesn’t mean always feeling good. It means being committed to showing up for yourself, especially when things feel hard. There’s no finish line. There’s only the ongoing work of tending to yourself with care. Listening. Softening. Beginning again.

You are already worthy. You are already enough. You do not have to become someone else to be lovable. You just have to remember who you are underneath the noise. So keep coming home to yourself. Again and again, with kindness. What if you stopped trying to be lovable, and simply remembered that you already are?

Book recommendation

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It by Kamal Ravikant

is a powerful, no-fluff guide to building self-love from the inside out. Written after the author hit rock bottom, it’s raw, honest, and refreshingly simple. The core message is clear: if you make loving yourself your top priority — not a side project — everything in your life begins to shift. Through personal stories and a handful of daily practices like repeating a mantra, meditating, and writing with intention, Ravikant shows that self-love isn’t a feeling — it’s a commitment. One you make again and again, especially when it’s hardest.